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September
12, 2006
How Do You Get Through
The Pain?
I’ve been
asked by one of the readers of my BLOG to make it a little
more personal. Typically, I just write about whatever is on
my mind in the context of decisions or the coaching I do
with many of you. However since I am in the midst of a very
difficult personal situation, I’ve decided to share a bit of
my journey with you in the hopes that some of what I let you
in on may be helpful to you or a loved one.
Betrayal
is the first word that comes to mind as I begin writing.
I’m certain that on a spiritual level, there’s really no
such thing, but that’s what my human heart
experienced – a feeling of deep and painful betrayal – along
with the traumatic loss of a relationship with a person whom
I love deeply and truly. There were moments when I thought
I wouldn’t be able to survive the pain but I sit here a
little over a week later feeling pretty darn good about
myself, my life, and my future. I’m optimistic as I make
decisions and take actions that will move me forward. Of
course, I’m still having momentary twinges of pain, of
wishing it could be different. But without denying any of
my feelings, I’m moving on with love in my heart and my
belief in a great future. How is that possible when the
pain, hurt, and yes, anger were so all encompassing such a
short while ago?
One of
the more core reasons is the standards I hold for myself and
how I choose to live my life, my meta decisions about
how to live. I decided many, many years ago to live my life
fully with no regrets. I committed to myself to be a
shining example of love and possibility in spite of any and
all obstacles. I decided I would be more than just a
survivor; I would be someone who thrives no matter
what. In order to stay true to my resolve and to my
identity of myself, I had to see past the behaviors that I
felt so hurt by to see and remember who this person really
is at a heart and soul level.
The way
you commit to live your life will always win out –
regardless of what happens. If you expect and accept a
destiny of loneliness, despair, weakness, and cowardliness -
no matter how much joy, strength, love, and courage you have
inside you - you’ll always go back to your core beliefs
about yourself and your lack of commitment to be who you
really are inside. We rarely exceed our own expectations
of ourselves.
But if
you decide one day, as I did many years ago, that you will
no longer settle for being less than who God brought forth,
that you will give your all to create the life each person
deserves, that you will live a life that is fulfilling and
rich (or whatever life you truly desire) then you
will find, develop, and strengthen your greatest gifts and
possibilities. You will bring forth the best of what is
inside you to create success, happiness, and fulfillment.
You'll be a positive force in this world.
Years ago someone said to
me...Your life will either be a warning of what not to be
or an example of how to be. It's up to you to choose.
I decided
back then that I would do everything possible to be an
example, not a warning. Among countless other benefits, my
decision, my resolve to be a person that I’m proud to be
allows me to move through pain relatively quickly, to love
the people who appear to inflict it, and to trust in
God’s divine wisdom that there is always a reason and
purpose. My resolve allows my love, joy, and gratefulness
for this life to bubble up and dissolve the anger and hurt.
We will
never be the person we “try” to be; we will never have the
life we "try" to have. We’ll only be the person we
resolve to be, we'll only have the life we resolve
to have. My resolve to be a person of love and light is
guiding me through one of the worst experiences of my life.
Give it a little time and you'll see that somehow, someway I
will be stronger, happier, even better at loving, and at
some point in the future I will have a phenomenal
relationship in part because of this experience, not
in spite of it.
Thanks
for letting me share – I hope it helps someone, somewhere.
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